


Clean Words and Dirty Actions

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Kinks, M/M, Smut, perverting wikiHow one article at a time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 08:52:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin runs a business from home. Levi’s a college professor. They’ve been together since forever. Therefore, they know all about the other’s peeves, quirks and turn-ons. Especially turn-ons.</p><p>Alternatively, the one where Erwin’s eager to please and Levi’s eager to accept.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clean Words and Dirty Actions

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a wikiHow article on how to clean tile grout, a bucket on Home Depot's website and a smutty idea I got when thinking about EruRi.

“Tell me how you did it.”

“First, I mixed the bleach and water in a bucket,” Erwin informs, tightening his grip on Levi’s bare hips. His lover had arrived home from the university not more than ten minutes earlier, when Erwin heard the garage open, footsteps in the kitchen and a door slam upstairs. As soon as Levi enters his home office, Erwin understands the trip to the bathroom. He smiles. “And then I—”

“What kind of bleach?” Levi cuts him off and Erwin can feel him tense in his lap.

“Oxygen.”

“And the water?” Levi demands, trailing lubricant-coated fingers along Erwin’s jaw. His tone is still sharp, but the softness with which he holds himself against Erwin has returned.

“Warm.”

“Good.” Erwin enjoys the verbal approval even though he’s certain he had followed Levi’s directions to a T. “Now begin again.”

Erwin sighs without a hint of frustration. “ _First_ ,” he emphasizes, which results in a harsh pinch of his nose. He playfully nips at Levi’s fingers when they retreat and Levi rolls his eyes and smirks. 

“We don’t have all night.”

It’s a lie, but Erwin doesn’t say that, doesn’t mention they have _all_ night and _all_ day and maybe even _all_ of the next night as well. “Right.”

“Continue.”

“I mixed the oxygen bleach and warm water in a bucket.” Erwin smiles, hands trailing back to cup Levi’s ass and squeeze. “I used your favorite bucket.”

“Did you now?”

“Oh, _yes_ ,” Erwin affirms and it has a double meaning because Levi’s dusting feathery kisses down Erwin’s throat and fisting Erwin’s exposed cock and Erwin can’t even recall feeling Levi pull down the elastic waistband in the first place. “Double spout, easy-to-clean surface, comfortable h-handle…” He trails off when Levi runs a thumb over the leaking slit.

Levi grins and licks his lips, maintaining steady eye contact with Erwin. “And?”

“A-And?” Erwin stammers in confusion, willing himself not to orgasm until he’s buried inside the coziness of his favorite ass.

“And…with that _large opening_ ,” Levi purrs into his ear before sucking on the lobe. “And _hard_ , durable plastic.”

“Fuck, _yes_ ,” Erwin gasps, hands flying up to grasp Levi’s neck and pull him in for a kiss. Their tongues meet as instantaneously as their lips, wrestling for control as Levi struggles not to slip off Erwin’s lap and Erwin fights to hold Levi steady.

“There will definitely be fucking, yes,” Levi teases as Erwin’s arms fall back down to wrap around his lover’s torso and hold him against his body. It’s skin-to-skin contact from the waist up; Levi’s been naked since he entered Erwin’s office and Erwin’s still wearing the sagging, stained and bleach-scented sweatpants he donned to clean, though he’s sure Levi enjoys the smell. “If you did it right.”

What is Levi talking about again? Oh, yes, the floors. “Next I…Where did I leave off again?”

“You mixed the oxygen bleach and warm water in my favorite bucket,” Levi answers and Erwin doesn’t think that smirk can get any wider.

“Yes, using the proper ratio you provided in your notes and not the one written on the package.” Erwin has to hold back taking him right there when Levi hums in appreciation and he feels the tingle of the vibration settle in his crotch.

“Go on.”

“Then I poured the solution, _slowly_ , onto the floor—which was dry, of course—and made sure every grout line was _soaked_.”

“And when the solution dried?”

“I added more. And more. And more until the grout lines couldn’t hold another drop.”

“And you’re confident you were that thorough?” His tone is smug.

“Yes, they were absolutely soaked. Drenched. _Saturated_.” Erwin’s hand dances at the space where Levi’s lower back and ass meet, the space where the Levi’s cheeks begin to split. “Every crevice.”

“Ah, I know _that_ feeling.” Erwin has to hold back a groan when Levi shifts in his lap and he can feel the telltale wetness of his lover’s preparation. He likes to think that Levi’s as turned on by clean grout as he’s turned on by the mental image of Levi stretching his own hole with his own fingers before even approaching him for sex. He doesn’t realize he’s been lost in his thoughts until a harsh tug on his right nipple yanks him back into the present. “Tell me more,” Levi orders, grinding his slick balls against Erwin’s fully erect cock.

“Yes. But first…” Erwin’s voice fades as he gestures to his lower half. “Don’t you think I’m wearing too many clothes?” He hopes Levi picks up on his tone because he knows how much his lover enjoys undressing him.

Levi’s eyes go wide when he looks down, as if he’s just realized Erwin’s still sporting pants. “Fuck, you need to be naked.”

“Okay.” He lets Levi slide off his lap and onto the floor between his legs. He lets Levi remove his slippers and place them side by side under his desk. He lets Levi slip off his socks, one plaid and one striped, laughing when Levi grunts at the mismatched pair and tosses them away.

“I can’t handle this. You’re doing the laundry this weekend.”

“Of course.” Erwin doesn’t bother mentioning Levi hasn’t done laundry in over a year, just lifts his hips so Levi can pull down his baggy sweats. The genuine leather of his desk chair is cool against his bare skin, though warmer than usual since he’s been sitting on it for the past few hours. After Levi folds the pants, placing them on top of the slippers, he stands and stretches his arms. Erwin doesn’t look away when Levi perches himself on the edge of Erwin’s desk, cock bouncing when he lifts his legs and plants each of his heels on the armrests of Erwin’s chair. Erwin rolls forward so Levi’s not straining to reach and he can get a better view of his lover’s seeping hole.

“Remember, Erwin,” Levi taunts, taking hold of his own erection and pumping once, twice. “You don’t get to _finish_ unless you finish, so you better...” He mewls when a finger brushes the sensitive head of his cock. “H-Hurry up.”

“Yes.” Erwin reaches toward Levi, gently prying his hands away and guiding them to rest on his shoulders. Levi leans forward so he can lock his fingers behind Erwin’s neck and rein him in for a kiss. It’s their slowest and deepest of the night and when Levi pulls away to breathe, his lips are wonderfully swollen and shining with spit. “It took a _long_ time to get the floors wet enough to scrub. The grout was so _greedy_ , sucking in the water over and over. I thought it would never end.”

“Did you _exhaust_ the bucket?”

“Practically. And when it was _finally_ time, when the floors were _finally_ sated, I grabbed the brush and got on my knees to—”

“On your knees?” Levi interrupts, scratching at the new hairs at the nape of Erwin’s neck. His head is cradled in the crook of Erwin’s shoulder.

Erwin snorts. “Is that a clarification or a command?”

Levi smiles against his skin as his feet drop from Erwin’s chair. “Both.”

“Of course,” Erwin chuckles; he isn’t surprised that Levi wants it all because all is what he’s always offered and will always continue to offer. He turns to give Levi a quick peck on the cheek before scooting forward in his chair, gradually lowering himself to the floor in front of his lover. He’s content in allowing Levi to plant his heels on his chest and flex his toes against his biceps.

Levi lets loose an exaggerated sigh. “You know, I’m a bit jealous you got into such a suggestive position for the floors, Erwin. What have they ever done for you?”

“Hmm.” Erwin reaches up to wrap an arm around each of Levi’s thighs, deliberately resting his hands on either side of Levi’s erection. “And what about that positively _lewd_ pose I caught you in last weekend when you were polishing the baseboards, hmm?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy banging me into the carpet. I’ve still got the burns on my knees and palms to prove it.”

“You were all lubed up and stretched then, too. And I just happened to finish my meeting early. It was definitely convenient.” Erwin reminisces aloud. “Unless, unless you weren’t expecting _me_. Did you want the walls to fuck you, too?”

“Maybe the walls would’ve thrown me onto the couch or at least flipped me onto my back so those brats weren’t wondering why their professor couldn’t hold a fucking piece of chalk properly this week!” Levi speaks curtly, but Erwin knows he’s not _too_ upset—that sex was _mind-blowing_.

“How about next time _I’ll_ do the baseboards and you can come home early, find me in a steamy position and then fuck me into the carpet?” Erwin offers with a crooked grin.

Levi licks his lips and reaches forward to run his fingers through Erwin’s hair. “You know, I have this inkling the baseboards might need a polish, let’s say, Monday around three? There’s a certain psychology professor that’s probably going to cancel his two thirty lecture…something about family emergencies and all that jazz.”

“So, it’s a date?”

“Depends.” Levi says cryptically and although Erwin’s nearly certain on what, he’s feeling particularly good-humored tonight and takes the bait.

“On?”

“On how you treated my floors after you got them all wet.”

“Technically, they’re _our_ floors. My name’s on the deed, too.”

“But I picked out the tile. If we’d gone with the gaudy blue ones _you_ wanted, then they’d be your floors.” Levi speaks matter-of-factly, like he’s reciting his introductory lecture on the differences between id and super-ego. “My choice, my floors. Besides, I saw them when I got home and they’re _way_ too clean to be yours.”

“Thanks.” Erwin utters sarcastically, though he can’t hold back a snicker at his lover’s roundabout logic, especially when Levi smiles and winks when he notices his reaction. “Okay. So, after I got _your_ floors nice and wet, I got on my knees and—”

“Wait.” Levi holds a finger to his lips to stop him.

“Hmm?”

“When you were drowning the grout, you remembered to protect the carpet, right?”

Erwin blinks, taken aback. “Of course, Levi. I used some towels from that stack of old ones you keep in the closet. You _did_ walk across the carpet to get here, right? And it was dry, right?”

Levi has a look of contemplation and Erwin wonders if Levi’s actually considering he’s capable of a deliberate disregard of the rules or if his lover’s just being theatrical. Honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time Erwin found Levi, melodrama and bleach on the same train of thought. “Okay, go ahead.”

“Thank you. So after I _finally_ got to my knees—”

“Attitude,” Levi hisses, arms crossed. “Can we move on yet? I get that you were on your knees. Fuck, the whole city probably knows you were on your knees. Continue.”

Erwin rolls his eyes, still smiling. “All right, then. So, while I was…you know…I began to scrub. When I went grocery shopping this morning, I even purchased a brand new brush for the occasion.” Levi moans, likely at the thought of fresh cleaning supplies. Erwin turns the moans into screams when he grasps Levi’s cock begins to leisurely stroke. His lover mumbles something incoherent. “Yes, Levi?”

“What k-kind of b-brush? What were the b-bristles m-made of?” Levi stutters his questions through Erwin’s slow but steady stimulation. “F-Fuck, Erwin, answer me!”

“Mmm…” Erwin pulls himself off of the floor so he’s standing in front of a desperate and exposed Levi. He pushes Levi down so his back is against the desk, leans in so he’s hovering over his lover’s prone form, scattering butterfly kisses across his shoulders, neck and face. Erwin pauses when his lips are near Levi’s left ear, the head of his erection against Levi’s hole. “Nylon.”

“Oh, _fuck_ yes!” Levi’s shameless screams fill the office and the sensual noises go straight to Erwin’s libido. “Say it again.”

“I used a _nylon-bristled brush_ , Levi,” Erwin whispers into Levi’s skin, shifting forward to breach his lover’s entrance with the tip of his cock.

“You like that, Levi? You like thinking about that nylon brush being used to clean those _filthy_ grout lines?” Erwin snarls into Levi’s ear, holding himself steady so his lover can feel the teasing stretch of his head. “You going to be like those floors, Levi? Deprived, _needy_ , taking all I have and still wanting more…”

“Yes, yes, oh, fuck, yes!” Levi’s unabashedly jerking into Erwin’s hand, which hasn’t moved since he stood up. Erwin thinks Levi is too far gone to notice that his lover has stopped stroking him. “Erwin, fuck me!”

And Erwin fills him with one solid thrust.

*****

They’re both ensnared in the sheets. Erwin can’t remember, but he apparently carried a spent Levi to the bedroom after their second mutual climax in his office so they could have their third and fourth wrapped in sateen. He hopes Levi’s back—among other things—isn’t hurting too badly from the being hammered into his solid oak desk.

“Erwin?” He turns over when the warm mass next to him speaks. Levi is especially breathtaking in the afterglow, cheeks flushed, love bites fresh and not a single hair in place.

“Hmm?” It’s a response to both Levi’s inquiry and the hand that reaches across the expanse to tangle with his.

“Thank you,” Levi pauses to sigh, shifting to rest his head on Erwin’s chest. “For cleaning the floors.”

Erwin smiles at the double meaning, bringing Levi’s body tighter against him. His eyelids droop and his last conscious thought is of carpet burns, baseboards and cancelled lectures.

**_Fin_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I dare you to look at tile grout or mop pails the same way again.
> 
> If you're curious, here's the [bucket](http://www.homedepot.com/p/Sterilite-16-qt-Double-Spout-Pail-11215806/204465104?N=5yc1vZbqqf) and here's the [article](http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Grout-Between-Floor-Tiles) (I used method 1).
> 
> Edit: I know a lot of people on here link their [Tumblr](http://sleepissafety.tumblr.com/). I'm also on [Dreamwidth](http://redpoppyregret.dreamwidth.org/) where I crosspost all of my works. Feel free to contact me anywhere! I love feedback and suggestions that inspire new fics!


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